Let New Moms Be New

Friends, let new Moms fully be new moms! Let’s allow them the space to enjoy and struggle with motherhood where they are at.

Let’s Enjoy Each Season

Waiting for your first child to be born is a season filled with so much anticipation. It is such a sweet time in a person’s life (maybe a little less sweet if you are dealing with a lot of sickness).

Of course new mamas (and dads!) are planning, dreaming and imagining their life with a little baby added to their family.

Of course they know things are going to change, that sleep will change, leaving the house will change and so many other things will too.

Do they know what those things actually feel or look like yet? No, of course not, because they can’t know what it’s actually like without actually living it.

And it’s not our job to teach them.

We All Were New Once

I remember being pregnant with my daughter and I hated when people would try to tell me how my life was going to change. Saying things like “enjoy this now before it’s too late,” “You think your tired now,” “Just wait till _____” or “I have three kids. One baby will be so easy!”. Rarely said without some sort of “all knowing” voice that made me feel silly for being new to the group of motherhood.

I knew things were going to change and I was excited! I knew it would be hard as a stay-at-home mom but that didn’t mean I wasn’t so excited for our first little one to be born.

As a expectant and new mom I wanted older moms to be joyful with me! To tell me that its hard but that I got this. To allow me the space to be new with no shame.

Now, some comments about things being hard or changing that were just fine! No problems with them. It was when it was clear that they thought it was their job to “teach me.” That they were somehow better for knowing more about motherhood then me.

What those people ended up sounding like were bitter women. People who were using me, an expectant mom, as a place to dump their own tiredness and frustrations.

Some people see a new mom holding a sleeping baby and tell her to “just wait” till it’s a toddler who just destroyed the living room. But maybe things are really rough for her right then. Maybe being told she has it “easy” is going to make her feel even more defeated.

When we say those things what are we really wanting to do?

We are looking to talk about us and the highs and lows of the season we are in. Which is fine to talk about! We all need friends to let off some steam with.

But let’s not dump on a mom in a different season of life to do so!

That new mom, either expectant or with a newborn, has her own struggles! Let her share them without some added “Now do all that with a toddler!”

When I look back to the first few months with my firstborn I remember it being hard. When my son was born I remember thinking I didn’t know how easy I had it. But I know it was in fact, not easy. I didn’t know how to nurse, how to give a baby a bath or what a sleep schedule was.

With my first I struggled to feel ok even putting the baby down safely on the ground to eat quickly!

We all need to remember we were new to this whole mom thing once too.

We can both share our struggles and our victories without having it be in comparison.

Let’s Allow Everyone Their Turn

Let’s encourage and celebrate with new moms and moms to be!

Join them in fully enjoying the current season of life they are in. Just like we should do with everyone around us!

We all at one point (and we will again) bought too much of something for a kiddo, worried too much about some developmental step or thought too long over which activities we should sign them up for.

Another mom a few steps ahead of us may be thinking we are silly to worry over something or wasting our time. How does she know that? She lived it!

Kind wisdom is a precious gift. Lets love those around us well and give good advice! But let it be from love and not because we are somehow “better” for knowing.

It might be your opinion that a new mom at a baby shower should not keep all that newborn clothing she was given. As an experienced mom of a former newborn you may be so convinced that you are right.

But she may be so excited about each little piece of clothing she was given! Let her be! No need for us to step in and tell a new mom to return most things and buy a few used things from goodwill instead.

Unless we are asked for our advice or have the right kind of relationship with that person we should simply be excited with them.

The Gym of Mom

I was once told that children can be a lot like weightlifting. When you add another child to your family it’s like suddenly increasing what you are lifting. For a while that added weight is hard to manage and you feel it everyday. But eventually you become stronger and it’s the new normal.

We all are in our own “weightlifting” journey. A mom of six kids will simply have more parental “weight” to lift then a mom with a newborn. But it very well could be just as hard of a workout for both of them. Plus, that mom of six, didn’t get there without training! She once was an overwhelmed new mom too.

So lets be kind to one another. Let’s celebrate and allow those joining us in motherhood to feel all the excitement, joy and anticipation without someone shouting down “just wait till….!”