Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is a Job

Being a stay-at-home Mom (or Dad!) should be seen as a job with set hours. Long, but set. 

Let’s unpack that idea. 

If you were to drop your kids off at daycare, which is a great option for many parents, there are some basic things that you are going to expect from the people you are paying to care for your child. 

The big one-to be loved well! Which means hugs, talking to, playing with, reading to and fun activities planned. All things that we give to those we love. 

Then there are the basic needs like good food or a clean space to be in.

Let’s say you use an in-home daycare. How would you feel if you found out the provider was spending every day deep cleaning her house, working on paperwork constantly or getting all the errands done online she needs? If she wasn’t going outside to play because things needed to be perfect in her home before her spouse got home?

If I was paying for that daycare I would be so mad! 

Of Course You have Things to DO!

Now, of course, as a stay-at home parent we do things like clean, prepare food or run errands! But don’t believe the lie that when you became the parent who stayed at home that you ALSO took on every other role in your household. 

Make sure your day is filled with those same things you would expect someone you were paying to do! Why expect less from yourself? Do that messy craft, go outside and get muddy and focus on those kiddos.

Now-that’s not to say household chores isn’t a good time for your kids or important skills for them to learn! I think most toddlers love helping with unloading the dishwasher, switching the laundry and wiping down literally anything. My daughter LOVES putting away clothing (how, i don’t know). So do those things! But keep your “job” of mom as your main job,

In a Perfect World I would be Everything

On an ideal day I had the time to love on my children, read books, go outside, do a fun activity (and clean up from it!), prep dinner, clean the bathroom and run a few loads of laundry. But the days where we go to the zoo all morning or someone is needing extra love, those extra tasks get dropped till my husband can come home and help fill in the gaps. 

There is no getting out of dishes because you worked outside of the home going on here. We both worked all day so we both work hard to finish up the daily tasks (whether they be from the day). 

Our little people are just that-people. They have their good and bad days too. So, on the good days I try to get a little bit more done and on the bad I know that my number one job is them. 

By no means am I saying don’t do anything at home. Its about the heart of the message. To be their mama first. To focus on the reading, dancing, learning, exploring, crafting and growing first.

Dads are Equal Parents

Both my husband and I are equal parents. When he drives off in the morning my “job” starts. It’s not to say that I wasn’t a mom before he left for work-by no means! But before he left we were equally responsible. If one of our kids wakes up at 5:34 AM (looking at you today my son!) just because it’s a work day doesn’t mean that my husband is “off” that morning. Of course he still has to take a shower and get ready for the day. But I’m not automatically put in a role of ALWAYS being the one to deal with early mornings simply because I’m a stay-at-home mom. 

It’s the same when he comes home at the end of the day. He walks in and my job switches to a shared role. On a perfect day he always has time to put things down, change and settle in at home. But if things are going poorly? Kids are fussy, dinner isn’t anywhere near started and someone just dumped all the legos on the ground. Well, welcome home honey! 

In battle a soldier doesn’t show up late to the field, see it’s going badly for his friends and tell them that he needs a minute to get settled before helping because the walk over was long. 

Hot tip: If it WAS a brutal day for my husband he tries to let me know before he walks in the door. All of us will have our days and there are times he needs to come home and chill for a minute. For me, knowing that makes all the difference in the world! I want to support his hard days and I know he wants to support mine. 

Sharing Responsibility

Before you had kids its easy to assume that for most both spouses worked. Which meant no one was cleaning the bathroom at home at 11am on a Wednesday. Yet-it still got done. Because you both made it work outside of your jobs.

If there is a stay-at-home parent at home the goal is to get things done! My hope is that we can run less errands on Saturday and instead have fun as a family.

But just like when we both worked outside of the home we share the responsibilities of our life. There are things that I always do (like cooking dinner) and things that he always does (like taking out/replacing the trash). Then a whole lot that we do together.

If one of us has something that we want to do in the evenings or before work that is always something that we decided together. Because it impacts each other.

Even things like morning bible studies before work we talk and agree on!

Now this might sound extreme to some to work out even bible studies. BUT having those expectations and boundaries is so important in any relationship.

Knowing our “job’s” hours allows us at thrive.

I truly do believe that this is the best job in the world. I also know that babies and toddlers can be a lot. Knowing an adult is coming home soon when its 5PM after a day of potty training can bring some extra patience, energy and life into the home.

There is always exceptions

There are always going to be people and days in our lives that are an exception to this idea. I know that this works well for our family because I have a husband that seems my job at home as valuable. He also knows that its hard work! I am so grateful that I not only get to be a stay-at-home mom BUT that I also get to do so without being an automatic bad-version of a 50’s housewife.

If you are a stay-at-home mama who feels overwhelmed with all you have to do I encourage you to talk to your spouse. Discuss expectations and boundaries in both your job and His. Does he not know how hard being at home can be? Take a day off and let him see your side of life. Are you putting expectations on yourself that he isn’t?

Some of the best things that I have done as a stay-at-home mom is learn to be disciplined in my day organization. All of us have more fun, get more done and fill the days with the things we value!

Meal planning. Oh, please meal plan mama! No more dinner stress at 5:30. No more scary groceries bills. There is so much freedom found in having a weekly meal plan. Learn more about it here!

End the Day know you did your JOB well.

Mamas-allow yourself to honor WHY you are home in the first place. Those sweet little people. Do what you can with the rest and push aside the pressure to be everything else the world thinks we should be.